BREAKING NEWS, Zayn Malik of One Direction has left. If you’ve been a hermit in a cave for the past year, then you heard it here first. Teenage hysteria has hit the globe, hotlines have cropped up and millions of hapless pubescent girls don’t know what to do with their inconsolable emotions. It’s all pretty pathetic.
But then I started thinking about when I was a teenager, and who I idolised at that time, how emotionally attached you become to celebrities and what a big part of your life they are at a time where your body is producing oestrogen at an alarming rate and messing with you physically and mentally.
Then it struck me, when I was a teenager, my version of 1D was… Lostprophets. Oh dear. And I didn’t just like them, I was obsessed and infatuated with their front man, Ian Watkins. For those of you who don’t know why this is HUGE problem, ‘google’ his name and see what comes up. I won’t go into detail, but about two years ago he was found guilty of being pretty much one of the most destructive and evil child abusers of all time and history. Upon this realisation I felt ever so slightly putrid. I spoke to my friend at work about it and she was in a pretty similar quandary about the whole thing. Judging by who my circle of friends were as a teenager, I’m assuming this is a pretty common feeling for all girls who were emo/scene/goth/grunger esque as teenagers and in love with Ian Watkins.
My bedroom wall was somewhat a shrine to the man, I had cut outs of him stuck to my school planner and their lyrics written on all my schoolbooks. I know I was a teenage girl at the time, and his disgusting private life was not then known of, but I still feel gross that I devoted a good few of my teenage years obsessing over a man who turned out to be a paedophile. What a bad judge of character Lost Prophets fans were. Especially this kid;
A lot of Lost Prophets songs still cover me with a wave of nostalgia for my teenage years, albeit most of them were just under age drinking in various skate parks and Brighton beach or sitting in my friends office listening to music and updating our vampire-freaks accounts. Everytime a LP song comes on, which is actually more often than you would assume It takes me dancing, singing my heart out and a whole lot of nostalgia before I realise what has just happened. Then comes the guilt and the OH MY GOD I JUST SUNG TO A WHOLE SONG BY A PAEDOPHILE BEFORE I REALISED WHAT I WAS DOING WHAT IF THE NEIGHBOURS HEARD AND THINK I’M A SYMPATHISER. But, Last summer is so catchy. Shit. Such a contradiction of feelings all in a few seconds.
For anyone else suffering with Post traumatic Lost Prophets disorder here is a list of alternative, shame-free, equally nostalgia inducing songs to listen too, by way of replacement so that you never have to listen to Ian Watkins creepy lyrics and feel dirty ever again.
1. One-Eighty By Summer – Taking Back Sunday
2. A Boy Brushed In Red, Living In Black And White – Underoath
3. Beating Heart Baby – Head Automatica
4. Note To Self – From First To Last
5. Juneau – Funeral For A Friend
6. Buried A Lie – Sensed Fail
7. Ohio Is For Lovers – Hawthorne Heights
8. Hand Of Blood – Bullet For My Valentine
9. Thank You For The Venom – My Chemical Romance
10. Take It Away – The Used
Hopefully none of the members of the above bands aren’t convicted paedophiles. Moral of the story – think long and hard about getting a tattoo before you commit, and teenage girls, remember, it’s not love, it’s your evil hormones playing tricks on you.