Extremely Selfish Thoughts

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Hello everyone, TGIF am I right? I’m kidding, I bet you didn’t even know it was Friday did you?

Anyway, let’s get stuck in. Today hasn’t been great if I’m honest. It hasn’t been great because yesterday I thought I’d try and be Superwoman and cleaned solidly for 5 hours, took the dog on a huge walk and refused to sit down until I’d cooked my dinner. That won’t sound like a lot to most people, however I’m 27 weeks pregnant and spent the first trimester of pregnancy on bed rest with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (sickness x1000) and an undiagnosed Thyroid problem of which my energy levels, fitness and general mental well being have never recovered from.

This has resulted in me waking up today  feeling like I’ve been hit by a double decker bus whilst taking part in a triathlon, in the Sahara. In other words, very fragile. To top it off, before I even got out of bed I went straight onto Facebook and read this:

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Albeit an upbeat and positive post, the date of 16th June stopped me in my tracks. My due date is June 23rd. All my family are in London, I’m already overdue a visit to them and the stark reality that my Mum might not be able to be there for me when I have my baby really set in for the first time. Cue uncontrollable tears and my first real emotional snap since all of this Coronavirus crap has been going on. Today was going to be a write off.

After getting it all out, making myself feel ultimately worse, definitely look worse (I go so blotchy and vulgar looking when I cry, it’s truly gross) and giving myself the mother of all headaches from crying I thought to myself I can’t be doing with this. So I decided to do something about it.

WOW, stop being so selfish, I thought and decided I could pull myself out of this hole if I stop being such a little bitch. I wrote down 10 things that were either good/ things I should be grateful/ thankful for and it’s really helped.

If you’re having a ‘woe is me’ kinda day, I suggest you buckle up and do the same because ultimately no one has got any spare sympathy to give out at the moment and you can only really rely on yourself to keep your mental cogs running efficiently right now, no one else is gonna fix them for you. So, put the kettle on and pour yourself a big, hot, steamy mug of get the fuck over yourself.

Anyhow, here’s my 10 things:

  1. I’m not on the front line. I’m not just talking about NHS staff, this extends so far out, to people you would never even think of. (big shout out all you key huns). Put simply, I get to sit in my nice house, not flat, which has a garden and lovely views, with my gorgeous fur babies for company and my big TV, okayish WiFi and snacks all day. SAFE.
  2. Support. I have people to talk to and a husband that comes home every evening. Bluntly put, many people don’t and are ACTUALLY alone during this.
  3. Amenities. I haven’t run out of Loo roll, YET. It’s coming though.
  4. I’ve got about 30 Creme Eggs in my fridge which is class.
  5. Nutrition. I haven’t got all the food I would want in my fridge, but I can feed myself without risking scurvy. Again, many don’t have that luxury.
  6. I’m pregnant and I’m going to have a baby boy. I wanted this so very much and struggled to get pregnant. I’ve got exactly what I wanted so I should stop complaining about it really.
  7. This pandemic is happening to everyone. All nations, governments, economies, communities and cultures. Geographically speaking, I’ve hit the jackpot and there is no where I would feel safer and better looked after.
  8. Candy Crush are giving unlimited free lives all week, so that’s something.
  9. Chores. I saw the bottom of my laundry basket for the first time since I purchased it this morning. Buzzing.
  10. And finally… remember a little thing that happened to our grandparents and great grandparents called conscription? BOOM. MIC DROP. GROW UP LEX.

I feel much better after having a bit of a go at myself and putting my pathetic problems, which seemed like the greatest tragedies of all time when I woke up this morning into perspective. I implore you to do the same. You don’t have to write it down, you could just have a good hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Let’s take this one day at a time people, for today the sun is still shining and I mean this in the kindest way possible, get over yourselves!

Ciao x

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